Why I don’t buy pants on the Internet

-by Joanie

Today’s is a short one, but it was an actual conversation Michael and I had recently.

Me: Michael, do these make my butt look gigantic?
Michael: *silence*
Me: They give me mom butt, don’t they? How is that possible? I’ve never given birth!
Michael: They make your ass both nonexistent and omnipresent.
Me: These are going back.

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