How to Pretend to be More Put-Together Than You Really Are

From Joanie:

1. Write a checklist. It helps to title it “Crap to do.”

I love checklists!

2. Plan outfits ahead if possible. If not, stick to a Disney Villain color scheme. Choose two: black, red, purple. One of the choices must be black. 

Dress like this for the rest of your life. Also, add “steal mermaid’s voice” to your checklist for an instant mental style boost. Sing about not underestimating the importance of…body language, ha!
3. Wear a watch. Preferably one that doe snot have a Disney character on it. 
I can tell you what time it is once the second hand glitter gets past the numbers…
Look at your watch occasionally and frown, shaking your head slightly.

4. Two words: Power Hair. 

5. Stare. When discussing something unpleasant, or when trying to get someone to acquiese to your way, stare at them silently for a moment, then squint your eyes as if you’re looking at something gross on their face. Enjoy as they squirm uncomfortably. 
6. Take a pen and notebook with you to meetings. Pretend that you’re an old fashioned gum shoe taking notes to solve a noir-esque murder. Take notes, rephrasing boring comments in your head till they sound like dialogue from The Maltese Falcon. 
Imagine the background music changing appropriately through the conversation.
7. Allow time for everything to unravel. Hide this part of yourself from coworkers, minions, and nemeses. Unraveling time does not require pants and is a deadline free zone. You can add it to your checklist at the beginning of the day and delight in checking it off. 

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