Joanie’s Adult Book Emporium

from Joanie:

I see AdultBook and DVD stores, with their plastic-y buxom ladies advertising pornography, often with accompanying “gentleman’s club” in the upstairs or back of the establishment, though I know of no gentlemen who frequent such places and I think:
I’d like to own my own “Adult” bookstore. 
Featuring titles such as (and you have to imagine me reading this in a “sexy” voice):
Paying your taxes when you’re broke

Negotiating lower utility bills

Cleaning up the [expletive deleted] cat vomit

So your childhood dreams are dead

Watching your parents age and die

Soul-crushing loneliness
and many more!
I know that the brick and mortar and internet “Adult” emporiums sell a fantasy, but it’s a paltry fantasy riddled with silicon. And sadness. And a smack of human trafficking. 
My adult fantasy is one where I face the challenges and depressing realities life presents me with humor and no fear, so that I can look death in the eye and say, I lived, lived, lived!
“Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!”
So if there are any financial backers out there for this kind of adult bookstore, I am currently accepting cash and cashier’s checks, and also checks made out to my business name, “Cash.”
As I do not own a G-string (thanks, Mom!), you can stuff those singles and checks into my largest pair of granny panties, which Joanie’s Adult Book Emporium also stocks in bulk packaging for comfort, convenience, and days when You Don’t Have Time to Deal with Laundry Mountain, a title also sold in stores. 

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